For Rex

Death has a funny way of reminding you to live.

Hard swallow. Quivering breathe.  Tears slowly stream down flush pink cheeks.  Another big exhale.

I am sure everyone reading this can relate to this feeling at one point or another.

The feeling of loss.....greif...... regret......guilt......sadness.  That hole in your heart you get when you find out that someone you know has passed on.

I lost a friend tonight.

Technically, you could say that I  lost him awhile ago I guess, but I just found out tonight that he is really gone.  He has passed away.  He died suddenly eight years ago and I didn't know until tonight.   How did I not know?  So many questions are running through my mind.  Eight years is a long time.  How did I not know?  Would it have felt any different knowing right when it happened.......I don't think so.  I think the ache in your heart is the same and time has no boundaries in matters like this.  The fact that it has been so long and I have not known, I think makes it feel worse.

This friend of mine was a great guy.  He was a great cook.  He was the most polite man I have every met.  He had Southern charm, for sure!  He was sweet.  He was moody.  Funny!!!  He was so much more than I can give him justice for in a few short words.  He loved to be by the ocean and as it turns out.....at the ocean's side is where he took his last breath.

An angel came to me in a dream I had this week.  The angel was you,  Rex.  You gave me clue after clue and when I was finally brave enough to tune in and hear you, I  did a little a little digging and found out why you where reaching out to me.   I discovered your passing.  As awful as I feel right now, thanks for finally leading me back to you.  I am sorry we can't meet again in this world but remember....we always will have San Fransisco and if I am lucky enough, we will meet again.

In your honor I will remember to go for the gusto in life, dream big, and be grateful for every moment.

All my love
Mama Nic aka Greedy ;)